Focus on Progress, Not Perfection

The idea of perfection is all around us. A woman is glorified when she is perceived to have the perfect body, the perfect family, and the perfect job. Perfection is the expectation placed upon us by social media and by ourselves. For me, the ideas of perfection began after my carefree days of college. I remember the days when I would wear what I wanted, go where I wanted, and just live as I desired. But I’ll admit this was before social media recorded our every move and before fashion nova’s model set the standard for “beauty”. This was during a time when making an honest living was more respected then titles. A time when a natural body was more desired than an surgically enhanced one. A time when being a mom was enough and no other titles were needed.

What changed? How did we get here? How do we set a new standard? A standard we embrace where we are and celebrate success every step of our journey. The idea of perfectionism for most women will likely lead to depression and anxiety because our lives and our bodies are always changing. As women, our bodies go through the changes of puberty, motherhood, and menopause. We experience changes to our bodies without taking the time to internalize the feelings related to the change. We have so many outside opinions from family members and social media platforms before we even get a chance to form our own opinion about our bodies.

I remember when I had my first daughter, I felt the pressure to “snap back”. I compared myself to friends who appeared to snap back immediately. I compared myself to the women I followed on Instagram who seemed to have a pre-pregnancy body three days post-delivery. As a healthcare professional, I know the body takes time to recover after having a baby. There are so many factors that affect the recovery process (sleep, diet, water intake, and hormones), but I too fell into the trap of desiring perfectionism. After having my second daughter, things have yet to return back to “normal”. But this time around, I’m praising my body for its ability to birth two beautiful girls into this world. I’m focused on obtaining a healthy and strong body, not a perfect one.

My career goals have also changed. I desire to have a work schedule that allows me to have balance for myself and my family. I no longer fall into the stereotype that you have to have it all. That is because I once had it “all”. I had a full time job with a good salary all while trying to fulfill the full time responsibilities of being a mother and a wife; and I hated it. Having it all left very little time or energy for me to do the things I loved. I didn’t like it, so I prayed for change, and when the opportunity for change came I took it. Now that I have my idea of a perfect career (which allows balance in my life), it is not affected by the opinion of others. It is enough because I say it is.

Oh to have a perfect family. That is the goal right? What pressures have you placed upon yourself to have the perfect family; to post the perfect family picture on social media; to have the picture perfect home? Are you missing out on special moments because you are too busy making everything perfect and there is little time to enjoy the moment? Slow down. Enjoy dinner with your family; don’t rush bath time with the kids; fold the clothes after you enjoy a moment with your husband. Take that picture even when you don’t feel like you look perfect. I don’t believe there is template for a perfect family. You simply have to find the routines that work for your family, even if it looks different than others around you.

The goal is to find balance. Embrace where you are. Enjoy the moment. Give yourself grace.

Complete this ten minute exercise with me:

1. Look in the mirror. What do you see?

2. Say a minimum of three things you love about yourself.

3. Now take another look and find three things you feel that aren’t “perfect” and see if that scar or imperfection tells a story. Find positive words to describe that thing that you see as imperfect.

4. Get dressed. Write down three words of affirmation. Write three things you love about your family and career.

5. Get up every morning for the next three days and remind yourself of the things you love about yourself, your family, and your career. Start each day with gratitude and see if it makes a difference in how you feel about your day.

Your Sister In Wellness,

Lauren