Breaking the Silence: Miscarriage and Infertility

Hi Ladies,

The Month of May can be associated with so many emotions, particularly related to motherhood. For some, it is a time to reflect on all the joy motherhood brings. For others, it is just another reminder that they are unable to naturally conceive; or a reminder of the loss of a pregnancy. Wherever you are in your fertility journey, I want you to know that you are not alone.

According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, it is estimated that 26% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage (Dugas & Slane, 2022). Although this statistic may reveal to so many women that they are not alone; it can feel that way after the loss of a pregnancy. Before I had my second daughter, we experienced a miscarriage. I remember my thoughts at that moment. Even though my husband and I grieved together at times, I still felt alone. I didn’t know who I could talk to or who would understand. There were so many questions that ran through my mind, but the first and most consistent question I asked myself was why? Why did this happen to me?

After consulting with my OBGYN about why miscarriages occur, I still felt the desire to talk to other women like me to see if they had similar experiences. The more I shared my experience, the more I felt comfort in knowing I was not alone; and I was assured it was possible to have a successful pregnancy after miscarriage. That hope kept me going while I was pregnant with my second daughter, until I could let out a deep breath of relief that I was able to carry her full term and deliver a healthy baby.

At this moment, I find myself in a new stage of life. I am in early menopause, and I am no longer able to produce normal amounts of estrogen or release eggs regularly; which means I can no longer naturally conceive. Despite the fact, that I believe our family is complete, it is still an unsettling feeling knowing that I can no longer conceive if I had the desire. According to the CDC, about 19% of women in the United States aged 15 to 49 years experience infertility (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention [CDC], 2022). There are so many factors that affect fertility, such as hormonal imbalance; uterine fibroids; age; stress; poor diet; obesity; anorexia; and sexually transmitted diseases.

If you are experiencing infertility or have had a miscarriage, I encourage you to consider these five tips below on your fertility journey:

1. Journaling: Journaling allows you the opportunity to express your emotions. After a miscarriage, one can experience a whirlwind of emotions. Some common emotions include anger, feelings of guilt, and feelings of loneliness. During this time, allow yourself through journaling to express those feelings. Journaling can be your safe space. Journaling can also be a great way to communicate with your partner after miscarriage or on your fertility journey.

2. Set Boundaries: I’m sure almost every woman of childbearing age has once been asked the following questions: When are you going to have a baby? When are you going to have another baby? Those questions are insensitive to a woman’s fertility journey, pregnancy, and prior delivery experience. If you are having fertility difficulties it can be beneficial for you to develop responses to those questions before you attend events or family gatherings. Do not feel that you are required to answer these questions. Be empowered to set boundaries with family members and others.

3.Create and Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle: Find ways to include foods high in antioxidants. These foods are high in zinc and folate which assist with fertility and a healthy pregnancy. Limit intake of processed foods and caffeine. Choose foods higher in protein and fiber such as lentils. Consider starting an exercise routine that you enjoy. Set a personal goal for a healthy weight. Reduce stress. If you are starting your fertility journey or having difficulty on your journey, consult with your healthcare provider regarding prenatal vitamins and other supplements that will support fertility.

4. Wellness Visit: It is always a great idea to schedule a wellness visit (preconception visit) before you are actively trying to conceive. During this visit, you and your provider can discuss any current conditions that may affect your fertility journey. It is also important to be knowledgeable about your family history, so you can share these details with your provider. Routine screenings that can be expected during this visit include a pap smear; breast screening; BMI; blood pressure; and mental health screening. The preconception appointment will most likely include blood work to screen for HIV; Sexually Transmitted Diseases; thyroid function; RH factor; and hemoglobin to rule out anemia. If you are over 35 and trying to conceive, most providers will request additional blood work to check Progesterone, FSH, and Estradiol levels.

5. Counseling/Girl Talk: Girl talk can be a form of therapy. Nothing feels better than sharing your fears, experiences, and thoughts with your girlfriends. Having that one special friend or a group of girlfriends you can talk to can relieve some feelings of loneliness on your fertility journey. The more I opened up about my fertility journey with my girlfriends, the more I realized how common miscarriage and infertility are in women my age. Although girl talk is a form of therapy and is most common, I encourage you to seek professional therapy when you are dealing with the loss of a pregnancy or having fertility issues. Therapy can also be a great tool in the preconception phase. Therapy can help you work through any fears you have surrounding pregnancy and childbirth.

I hope after reading this post you feel empowered to break the cycle of silence surrounding miscarriage and infertility. You are not alone. Your sister's friends are on this journey with you. Breathe. Speak your truth. Your sisters are listening. Remember to Always make wellness your best accessory!

Your Sister in Wellness,

Lauren

References:

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2022, March 4). Infertility. https://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/infertility/index.htm

Dugas, C., & Slane, V. H. (2022). Miscarriage. National Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National Library of Medicine.